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Desperate

Fridays are supposed to be good days. Everyone looks forward to Fridays. They're not supposed to be as hectic and stressful as Mondays. Can I just say though, today, I'm feeling defeated. Today has not started off well in the Wright household. We've been struggling a lot lately with Olivia and her not wanting to go to school. Can I just rant for a minute? I HATE this Canadian idea of only sending kindergarteners to school 2 or 3 days a week; or, for some, half-days. I was excited about Olivia being in school full days this year; I knew she'd love it, and I knew it would be good for Judah and I to get time together at home (not to mention make it possible for me to actually accomplish something around the house). It has back-fired though. I think 5 half-days would be better than going 2, sometimes 3 days a week. There is such a long break in between her Friday classes and her Tuesday classes that she can't seem to settle into this wacky routine!  Somehow, she's developed some sort of anxiety about going now. She loves her teachers. She loves her school. She has fun, she has friends, everything. However, from the minute she wakes up in the morning she has found a way to get herself so worked up about not wanting to go, that she has been able to physically make herself ill about it. She walked into school this morning in tears, and I walked out in tears. This is becoming too much of a routine for us. I can't take it anymore, but more importantly, I know she can't either. It breaks my heart to see her like this. To make matters worse, she's not eating breakfast, and barely touching her lunch. She is one of those kids that "graze" off and on all day when at home. She doesn't eat 3 big meals a day. So, when she's at school, she's not able to snack off and on. When most people, even kids, pack on a little extra weight in the winter, it seems she keeps slimming down. She seems pale, has dark circles under her eyes, and complains frequently of not sleeping well.
This morning when I got back home from taking her to school. I dropped myself on the couch, and burst into tears. My heart breaking, I knew I needed God. I listened to one of my favorite messages that I keep handy in times like this.  Jentezen Franklin has an mp3 called "Desperation". If you haven't heard it, LISTEN NOW! http://vimeo.com/23189506
I just wept and wept as I listened, and then began to pray. I've decided to fast during the day today for her while she's at school, honestly just because I don't know what else to do anymore. As a mom, your heart breaks for your child when you see them in pain.  I'm desperate for something to work out with this. I'm desperate for God to come in and make everything OK for us. Pastor Jentezen talks about the desperation of Jacob when he was fighting with the angel. I'm holding on to the words "I will not let go unto God pours out His blessing on this situation"!!!!
After struggles comes the blessings! I'm desperate for Olivia to receive the blessing!

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